As departure for Africa grows closer, so does its reality.
It rates right up there in the top “Life Changing Events” of my life: college, moving
to Oregon, becoming a river guide, flying a Cessna 150 through Central America,
cancer, retirement, marriage and divorce
(not necessarily in that order). And with such changes comes a clarity I have
not found other ways.
Knowing my daily reality will soon change, I strive to be
present: to really feel the warm water
cascading over me in the shower, to appreciate the snow that appears and
disappears from the surrounding hills, to take a moment to let the awe of a
redwood grove overtake me, and to stand on the shore, knowing I am on the edge
of a continent. Why it’s so hard to be present in this way when change isn’t
imminent is a mystery, but it also seems to be a fact.
I find I’m looking inward, too, as I prepare to set aside
many of my “givens” and make room for a new normal. But I’ve discovered there
are some things so deeply a part of me that they are imprinted on my being. When
life is changed, the non-essentials tend to get washed clear, leaving the bedrock
beliefs revealed. As I travel my daily paths, I find them awaiting me.
Epiphanies. Words to fit around beliefs.
Each day it seems something new surfaces. Today I discovered
that a healthy person – that’s me! – stays away from those who intentionally
hurt her. Sounds so basic, and yet it’s so easy to make excuses for another
person, allowing her to go on causing pain.
Some days, as I sort through piles of papers and other
accumulated – um, things, I discover treasures amid the junk. Makes me think
about wants and needs and how easy it is to confuse the two. Clearing out the
extras feels so freeing, so clean. I know if I were to re-sort, I’d get rid of
lots more. How much unnecessary emotional baggage am I carrying? Ah, I wish it
were as easy to recycle, trash, or give that
away.
I challenge myself – and you, Reader – to be present while
doing one thing each day. Slow down, stop multi-tasking, and experience
whatever it is you choose as your one thing. Pay attention to it. Take a few
minutes of your day to be Now. It may turn out that doing so will be one of our
life changing events.
My very-present-thing today was reading your blog post and experiencing your excitement. Thanks for the thrill!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update!
ReplyDeleteAhhh the present...the definition of insanity is not being connected in reality, and by that definition you realize how much of our lives we live insanely: we're in the past, we're in the future, we're in our fears, we're in our expectations-we're everywhere except in the raw authenticity of NOW. As you express we miss the sheer miracle of the ordinary, the accessible, the repeatable, forgetting the uniqueness of the moment in which they take place, the never to be heard again note in the song of our lives. That we would remember that every moment of our lives was the moment of our transition, our instant of momentous change, and in that savor each moment totally immersed in it from it arrival to its passing...to live purely and clearly instead of lost in our clutter...
What a gift, Michele. I strive to be present in the moment, and sometimes I actually achieve it when I'm writing. Sometimes, I achieve it when I'm one-on-one with someone else. The easiest time is after a long day outside, whether hiking or doing yard work. It's easy then because I am exhausted enough that I can only be present in the moment. The rest of the time it is darn difficult.
ReplyDeleteRyk above captured my problems with presence so well: "we're in the future, we're in our fears, we're in our expectations...everywhere except in the raw authenticity of NOW."
I am sooooo excited for you. This transition is amazing, and I very much appreciate you sharing it with us.