Stray Thoughts From the Edge

A quote from my friend Steve, who answered succinctly for himself and, I think, for me:

Why do I try to do right? I'd say enlightened self-interest. I've tried martyrdom and it doesn't go well.

May 19

Stray thoughts from the Edge:

Can't believe I've missed this until now... I hear over and over, I'm peopled out. ready for some serious alone time at my site. It's such a given I don't even think about it. and I wonder, for all of us who need/want that so very much, how we will make sure we get it when we return to the States. It's so necessary that I don't even recognize its value. That's not it. Maybe it's just sort of become part of my reality.

May 30

Ways I know I'm acclimating. Live fenceposts are the norm - if I see fences made out of something else, I wonder why. Ditto for concertina wire around compounds. I automatically sort beans, peanuts and popcorn kernels before cooking them to get the sticks, stones and other inedibles out before cooking. Women nursing make me smile happily at the babies. If I don't get mobbed by little kids when I come home I wonder where they are and if everything is okay. Conserving water is a way of life. So is throwing my compost a couple of steps out my front door so the chickens, goats and cattle can enjoy them. Wash water goes in the same direction, after it has served at least 2 uses and only if the pineapple plants I hope will live had had enough to drink. The school schedule changes regularly, so becoming a part of the grapevine is a must. Oh, and closing the latrine door (which doesn't really close any more anyhow) is optional. The view is beautiful!

and... doing business wherever and whenever. like setting up meetings via whatsapp while riding a khombi over dusty, bumpy roads or while munching dinner. stopping what I'm doing to go play with the kids, then back to work. Or just talking with folks and finding myself picking their brains for ideas for teaching. no set work times, but it all gets done. sort of.

June 16

Just realized how long it's been since I've written here. Other PCV's said their blogs got neglected because it's hard to write about day to day life - and those things that seemed so noteworthy at first are now just - normal. Given that, when folks email me, and I start writing, lots flows out, so I'm going to try just writing here and see what emerges.

I continue to go visit the two young women, Simphiwe and Ncobile, at their boarding school. We took pictures yesterday, and it was so much fun - think I'll have to post some. I ask them about topics we are teaching in our career guidance classes.

Because logistics to visit are somewhat complicated, I write and mail letters to them. They write back and hand them to me when I'm ready to leave. It's a whole different level of communication, writing. I find all of us share much differently on paper - and I treasure their letters. I am so honored that they have chosen to allow me into their lives. I see them as the future, as what strength and courage and determination can bring.

Yesterday we talked about peer pressure. It's a huge issue for teens everywhere. They said it keeps coming back to choice - where will the choices you make take you - and having the determination and self-confidence to stick to your own goals. My question is - how? How do you step back from what you can be losing - the peer approval, friends - and pay attention to what you are risking in return for that approval? We know what we "should" do - but when it's happening, it's really hard. What tools can make it easier? I have some ideas about how to teach this - but am definitely open to any ideas anyone wants to send. I hope that if we come up with some good activities that my counterpart teacher will share and/or use them in other classes.

My views of transport have changed considerably. It's really a matter of - what? - luck? karma? timing? I still wait long times some times and catch a ride easily other times. Yesterday, walking back to the bus rank after visiting the girls I was able to flag down a khombi. the folks just sort of crushed together, and I caught a ride home. we've swooshed for others, so it' steady to accept the favor in return. Other times I've been almost thrown under the bus trying to get on. It's expected that we'll cram 4 people into seats made for 3, sitting with only one shoulder back, the other forward for someone else's shoulder. Busses are always packed, and it's just part of the trip if we have to stop to change a tire. I take a lihiya (2 meter cloth) to sit on while waiting and bring along my kindle for entertainment. It's just the way it is.

Water at the tap was available for a few days, but has disappeared again. When it comes back, I'll make multiple trips to refill my barrels. Then I'm most careful about bathing and laundry.  Life. I'm grateful to have it.

We are planning food for a GLOW training, and enlisting people to carry what we buy since we have no other way to get it to the backpackers. No biggie.

The kids on my homestead now come to my door and ask for books! I'm so delighted with that. I keep bringing some home from the school library for them. Found one on emotions - going to spend some time with that one. Even got folks to translate for me, so I can begin to talk with them about what they feel. Of course, they still want sweets, and get oranges instead.

Bread making continues, and I'm spending time with other volunteers.

It's almost winter solstice, and the new group of volunteers arrives on the same date that we did. I've been here almost a year! What changes! Time is most elastic. It feels like I've been here forever and like I just arrived. I still get horribly homesick, and I'm still in awe that I get to experience this way of life, of viewing the universe, of entering another world.

I am learning to respond to what I see. In the Four Agreements, one is to be open to outcomes, not attached to outcomes. My time here has been an education in doing this. What needs do I see? How can I help people meet those needs? I'm an outsider - how can I use that position to allow people to try new things, to explore their own ideas without fearing they will be perceived as going outside the norm? It's humbling and fascinating and fulfilling. And frustrating, at times. I so hope I will be able to bring these skills home...