Swaziland Diary

August 5, 2014

Liyana (rain), the kitten who somehow wound up sharing my hut, brings much amusement and love. It appears to be summer again, though the nights do cool nicely. And snippets seem to be what this blog has become.

Saw my bhuti (brother) at school today. He's 8. I asked him to do something to help me. No. Perfect time to practice positive discipline. I asked our sisi to keep this to ourselves, then asked her to translate. I told him I was hurt and angry that he had not helped me, and that the next 5 times I got treats for the kids, he would get none. I think it will be effective, since he was already looking pretty sad. If I can show corporal punishment has effective alternatives, I will be happy.

Serendipity continues to bring me gifts. Exams are winding down for the students, so there's time to talk to individuals. I feel both humbled and honored, talking to these young adults. Some of them have such big dreams, such strength and determination, such talent and intelligence. So glad I get to work with them.

Traditional dress, thanks to Temlandvo

Things are still happening Swazi style - not so much planned as beshertz (sp?) - meant to be. Over and over I learn to just trust that if I show up and be present, a path will reveal itself. And it does. The stumble technique is alive and well.

Katie saved me with emergency instructions on how to cut my hair, so I took a scissors to a year and a half of growth (halfway down my back). The result is far from her artistry, but it's a passable shag that feels MUCH better and will be easier to care for.

Liyana is stalking my pen, which is stalking him under the bedspread. I do love kittens!

The group that arrived a year before us is going home, and we are becoming the "seniors". Amazing how much I actually do know! And even more amazing, how much I DON'T know <smile>. But they make me think about going home. Of course, there are the things I long for - bagels. Peet's coffee. Cabinets. A kitchen table. Counters. Indoor plumbing. A car. But there will be much that will be hard to leave. A multi-generational homestead. Being a part of the community, and greeting those I meet on the road. Waving at virtually all the vehicles on the road in my community. The smiles of the little kids, and the just-beginning trust of some of the older ones. The kindness and patience of the adults, teaching me about their culture, and the laughter shared. And so much more. I have another year, and hope I will remember to cherish it, even on the way to the latrine (which has a beautiful view from the seat when the door is left open).

These young adults are definitely into discussing the club they are organizing!

August 10

Talked more with the kids from the club we are trying to form. They asked some probing questions that I can't answer.  I ask you, Gentle Readers, to ask yourselves these questions. I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Here's an excerpt from an email to Margaret on the subject:

I think we all question whether what we're doing is "right" or "enough" or - something. But we do what we can, and it matters. It really, truly matters. Even if we just touch one other person, it matters. Sea star story, you know? I know I'm touching some lives, and it keeps me going. I had a student ask me that the other day - what keeps you going? I couldn't really answer. But i guess that's it - or a part of it, anyhow. Maybe some of it is about how we are all connected, too. I know that just by being here by doing things and believing things so fundamentally different than the way people think and do things here, I am opening some opportunities to view the world in a new way. And learning some new ways myself.18. The kid who asked me that is 18. What did I know at that age? Did I know enough to ask those kind of questions? Another asked, what brought you here? You did, I replied. I want to work with young people - you have so much potential, so many dreams...

More members of the club

Still, that doesn't really answer what keeps me going. Somehow, though no answers emerge, there are related things. Rachel Naomi Remen wrote about a workshop she conducted. She asked the participants to imagine putting all of their troubles and sorrows into a box and placing that box in the center of the room. Then she asked them to take a box from the center - either their own or someone else's. She said everyone elected to keep their own... Pretty powerful statement.

What keeps me going? Day to day? in the hard times? good times? Is it my raison d'être? My belief in Universe/Great Spirit/Highest Good? Working with kids, I've begun thinking answers to hard questions come in 2 vague categories: The "easy" or "right" or obvious answers - and the real, underlying questions that make the stated question hard. I don't even have an easy answer... But it's mulling. Stay tuned <grin>.

August 22, 2014

excerpt from an email to a young woman who is about to go home with the incredibly hard-earned title, Returned Peace Corps Volunteer.

Sure enjoyed our visit yesterday. And talking about religion/spiritual beliefs sparked some ideas to share.

You talked about how K and T have such different ideas about what religion means, even though both have strong faith. Realized that those of us who don't consider ourselves religious have, nonetheless, grown in our - spirituality, for want of another word. It's so hard to write about this topic since none of the words I know fit what I mean...

Anyhow, I think that as PCV's we come to third world countries and experience, day to day, the differences in our realities from those of our Host Country Nationals. On a variety of levels, conscious and not-so-conscious, we ask - Why? And I think we get a lot of answers, and maybe even more questions. But it leads, somehow invariably, back to that basic, underlying, unanswerable Why?

The only thing that seems to make sense is that - we don't get to know. And unknowables of that degree lead to spiritual/religious/that-concept-I-have-no-word-for beliefs. Why do I get such privilege? Why am I here - physically and philosophically? Why do things happen the way they do?

So, what they don't tell us in the recruiting process (separation of church and state?) is that we will be coming face to face with metaphysical, philosophical, spiritual questions. Our beliefs and values are going to arise and require attention. We get to choose how/if we will attend to them, but they will arise. And because the nature of the program (usually) allows time for introspection and reflection, and because we don't wind up here without some basic beliefs and values about helping others, the chances are good that we will make unexpected discoveries. And, as with everything else in PCV service, those discoveries will be individual and different for each of us, even when we share, discuss and bounce ideas off of each other.

Actually, it's pretty cool. Nice to have the impetus? stimulus? whatever - to revisit and examine such values that lie so deep and are a part of the foundation of our actions without really being a conscious part of our lives.

So - first time I've tried to put this into words, and I think I will go back at some point to see if these are ideas I believe or if they need to be revisited and revised. I'd love your feedback if you so choose.


August 23

Seems as though I'm writing this blog in emails, then deciding to share. This is from an email to Mary.

At the stesh

I think the impact I have is strongest one-on-one. It's the individual contacts that hold the greatest power. I'm mentoring a couple of high school girls, and I think it matters to them. I'm working with a group of kids who want to start a club. I hope I've introduced a viable fundraising idea for getting books for the primary school library, etc. It doesn't happen the way I expect - but the way it does happen works. Maybe I'm just helping people see what is possible. Empowering is such a strange word - we all have the power - it's just if and how we choose to recognize and use it. so I think my greatest impact has to do with breaking a hole in what people think about their world.

I'm white and older. Ergo, I don't do daily chores. Then they see me doing my own shopping, cleaning, laundry, water hauling. What? I don't use corporal punishment. What do I do? Dunno, but it works. I treat pets, other animals and small children with respect. I think girls are smart. I ask young people their opinions and then LISTEN and act on them. Wait, that's not the way the world is. And if that's not the way the world is, then what else is different?

There are careers that are not visible. Not everyone needs to be a doctor, nurse, teacher, policeman or soldier. What? And so forth.

I love that you make me think, Mary. And I strive to make others think, look at possibilities. Maybe change what they think are walls into barriers that can be maneuvered around.

August 24

A huge thank you to my Blog Angel, Maggie Lynch, who makes it possible for y'all to be reading this blog.  Stay tuned for a report on Kruger Game Preserve. I go in less than 2 weeks!