Preparations to leave for 2+ years take many forms, mostly
lists: To do, to sort, to get, to give away, to sell, to store, to somehow get
my affairs in order. It’s interesting, since at the core is a life-changing,
but not life-threatening, event. Nevertheless, the many forms and the intensity
of the preparations surprise me.
I just returned from a week in the city. For those of you
too young, or geographically not in the know, that means San Francisco and the Bay Area.
A week spending time with friends and family with a depth of
connection I wish could always be present. The Peace Corps was a piece of it,
but mostly we spoke of those things most important at the moment. For many of
us, that meant events that either we are creating or that are happening and
must be addressed and integrated into our lives. Health issues for ourselves or
close family, decisions about retirement dates, communication, the dynamics of
relationships, and other major changes became our topics. We shared easily, naturally, from the
heart.
The backdrop was the City and Marin in Technicolor:
- a sunny ferry boat ride, the Golden Gate above white sails
- a picnic and walk on Angel Island,
- a stroll down a street in Sebastopol alive with sculptures incorporating puns, humor and recycled materials,
- a lunch above Kelly’s Beach in San Francisco, the clouds rolling in and a couple of whales rolling and breaching in front of Seal Rock,
- a drive through the fog into sunshine,
- dinner at the collective that now resides where a dozen of us once created a commune.
Through it all, I strove to be present, to experience my
now. It got a little easier.
It was a journey that will warm me in times to come when I
feel alone, questioning who I am and what I am doing. The connections ran deep
and clear and strong. I wonder what it takes to allow that level to become the
norm.
So my challenge all of us now is to imagine that we are going away for a couple of years. As we spend time with friends or
family, ask ourselves: What will we share? What do we want to know? What new "normal" will
we establish?
Loved your quick bullet items of description. Sounds like you had an amazing time in the city. Great challenge to all of us to spend quality time with friends and family.
ReplyDeleteFor me, in trying to actively choose what to share or to choose what to know, I find I may miss what IS most important at that moment. The act of planning my intimate communications in fact makes them not intimate at all. But that's just me.
I find I am a slow sharer (is that a word?). Some people read this as being unwilling to share. Others read it as cold or unemotional. But really it's neither, it has to do with allowing time to work on me.
That means I have to be in the moment for a while before sharing--even with good friends or my spouse. I used to think this was because I didn't trust. But now I know it's because I want to first rid myself of what is cluttering my mind, and then I want to understand what is being presented to me in that moment and how I relate to that. Depending on how cluttered my mind might be, this may take a few minutes or (often in the case of vacations) a couple of days.
I never get everything I want in these shared moments. But I always get more than I need. Hmmm...sounds like a Rolling Stones song :)
Good point.
ReplyDeleteWhat I wanted to suggest is not that specifics should be planned. Rather, that we not require a major event to share at the depth usually found only when major changes loom before us.
I love that you first clear the clutter in your head; definitely an important reminder. And I've never perceived you as a slow sharer (if it is a word).